Teenagers and Social Distancing

Dear Patients and Friends,

Three weeks ago, my teenagers rejoiced at their unexpected “vacation” brought on by coronavirus school closures, but the novelty had worn off by day three or four. Boredom and loneliness set in as the social distancing guidelines became more strict. Expecting a teen or young adult to embrace this new reality without some degree of resistance is wishful thinking. After all, their main developmental task is bonding with peers and seeking independence from you.

What are some things we do to encourage teens to comply with social distancing measures while keeping the family sane? Here follow are some ideas I have garnered from my work as a therapist (and have found helpful myself as a parent!)

Understand their frustration

Social isolation is hard for everyone, but is particularly distressing for adolescents—especially if they think that their friends are all hanging out without them. Acknowledge and validate their feelings (i.e. “I know this is frustrating.” “I know that you want to see your friends.” “I know you are bored and lonely.”) and brainstorm with them how to make this situation more tolerable.

Validate disappointment

Many teens have lost important experiences like graduation, school plays, prom and activities organized to help them with college applications and scholarships. Give them room to share their feelings without judgment.

We are all in this together

While all living together at home full-time, distributing daily chores among family members is important to help maintain harmony and keep a clean house. Your teens can pick up the slack by vacuuming, tidying their rooms, dusting, deep cleaning projects around your home, and yard work. If you have more than one teen at home, you may discover that one enjoys washing windows, while another gravitates towards washing dishes. They can also pitch in on those home improvements that you have put off. This is an ideal time to start a compost pile and a garden!

Provide support for school work while encouraging independence

Help create a realistic schedule for getting work done, allowing for breaks, socializing, exercising and entertainment. But give them space and make them accountable for their own progress. Try not to nag or cajole. Instead of telling them what to do, ask questions: “What’s your plan for today?” “Is there anything I can do to help you today?”

Plan activities for the family together or with others

Check out Zoom or Google Meet. These are apps which allow your family mix and mingle with your friends – you can even play games with other families!

Prepare and eat meals together.

Use this time to cook together; it is a great moment to start teaching your teens basic cooking skills! As them to prepare their favorite recipe for the family or experiment with something new. Studies show that eating meals together as a family promotes emotional and psychological well-being for everyone, so take advantage of all being home together and eat together at least once a day.

Set limits on screen device time.

More screen time right now is inevitable, but it shouldn’t be a license for unlimited use. Have a schedule and stick to it. You should have a midnight cut off- no “ifs, ands or buts.”

Encourage healthy habits

Sleep, healthy food and exercise are important to maintaining positive mood – particularly for teens predisposed to anxiety or depression. Try to help them avoid sleeping too much. While rest is important so is staying active!

Finally, and importantly:

Put your “oxygen mask” on first

In order to better support your children, make sure to meet your own needs. Create a list of self-care activities, such as meditation, prayer, a relaxing bath, or an exercise routine. Put your own activities on a schedule and honor it. Modeling how to deal well with stress and anxiety is the best way to teach your teens to do the same. Remember, calm is contagious!

Warmly,

Kasia Maguire

Mental Health Therapist